It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Saturday, September 26, 2009
withers away @ 12:53 am

pms season is here! and this time its going to last for the entire sem! i think. ok prolly have short breaks here and there. deadlines all the time. elearning all the time. highly irritable and snappy. dun step on my tail or i'll bite. i bit today alr. sorry. bad habit. u are really quite bite-able if u realize. oops.
okok i will work on it. i mean my deadlines, since they're the source. while i fb and watch house and watch grey's and blog and slack and...

It's something Mystical

Thursday, September 24, 2009
withers away @ 1:35 am

house has evolved from a medical drama with cases and differential diagnosis into smth more personal. of course it still has everything to do with medicine, but it's alot more abt other stuff too. i like the way how u can see yourself in some part of house, in his pain, in his confusion, in his childishness, in his struggle, in his screwing up, in his thought processes, in his persistence, in his growing up. i love this guy.

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, September 23, 2009
withers away @ 10:01 pm

alfred 和常在心的爱情,大概是我看过比较真实却又不失浪漫感动的。开心、甜蜜、吵架、争执、出轨、愤怒、愧疚、分手、冷静、改变、珍惜、想念。很感性,却又很理智。真情流露,学习如何不求回报地付出,经过岁月的洗礼,不撒狗血,只是今天的ending有一点drama,因为再怎么说它也真的是一部戏。
任何事情都有一个过程。它是快是慢,是早是迟,很难控制。套戏里的一句话,甜的要吃,苦的也要吃。只是当它来的时候,就要接受,真正经历享受那过程,然后学习,懂得如何从更宏观的角度,用更远视的观点看待发生的事情,不要让那个过程白过。人生就是一个个过程组成的,如果白过了一个个过程,就是白过了人生。

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 12:31 am

slacked too much the past few days so i got loads to do now. so what am i doing here? HA. oops. i think i need to spend my dec hols studying chem. was supposed to improve chem mcqs, and i had to refer to my QA book, and not like i can deduce all the answers with it. not the first time i had to google for answers to chem qns. i forgot all my olevel chem! (not like i rmbr my alevel one but nvm) totally rox:D
i shld get back to work. its late. i still have a pbl and another elearning to do by tml. hee.
(i realized im blogging weirdly today. weird.)

It's something Mystical

Sunday, September 13, 2009
withers away @ 2:11 pm

这并不是正式版的MV,而是一刀未剪版。这群大男生,结婚的结婚,生子的生子,但是还是可以这样玩在一起。我要以后的我们也可以这样!

It's something Mystical

Friday, September 11, 2009
withers away @ 11:24 pm

我想我可能真的不适合看香港的家庭伦理剧。都是勾心斗角争得你死我活,而且好人总是会死掉,坏人继续嚣张到大结局。 以往看的港剧似乎都是职业类,如医疗、消防、警匪、法律、法政,都没有这么糟糕。
我唯一看下去的动力就是看坏人怎么个不得好死。现在大家最敬爱的大契死了,而她是那个说话最有道理,头脑最清楚,常常能够力挽狂澜的人。我大概猜得到后面的剧情,那煽风点火又撕破脸的场面很难看,但是看了一半又停不了。
可能这就是港剧的魅力吧。

对这首歌,我应该算是后知后觉吧。
《下个星期去英国》 - 陈绮贞
你收了行李下个星期要去英国
遥远的故事记得带回来给我
我知道 我想要却又不敢对你说
因为我已改变 太多

你改了一个名字也准备换工作
你开始了新的恋情有一些困惑
我知道 你想要却又不敢对我说
因为你已改变 太多

你写了好几首属於你的歌
这样的歌隐藏了太多苦涩
我知道 你想要却又不敢对我说
因为 我曾是你
我曾是你 无话不说的朋友

因为我们改变 太多



MV结尾的那几行字,取自张惠菁的一本书《给冥王星》:
最後一次見到你的路口
我現在才明白那原來是一條河
或是一道地層下陷
從那裡開始時間有了不同的轉速
我們再也不在站在同一個地面
從軌道最靠近交錯的那一點
逸出朝向全然不同的宇宙
放手,却无法释怀

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, September 09, 2009
withers away @ 12:51 am

it's quite amazing when people blog about the same issue as u at around the same time.
quoted:
You don't possess people. You can't, anyway. You just give them the freedom to do what they want, and hope that they choose to stay by you.
That's all there is to inter-human relationships.

It's something Mystical

Sunday, September 06, 2009
withers away @ 3:50 pm

this is pretty cool!

It's something Mystical

Saturday, September 05, 2009
withers away @ 3:00 pm

copy and pasted from fb.


Let it GO ...by T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible says that, "They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were Not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us." [1John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

It doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.
You've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye.
It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.
It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know
whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to .. LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .. LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.. LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents . LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him... LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ...LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.
Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing!

LET IT GO!!! Surrender and Win. Let Go and Let God.

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 1:46 am

it's great to meet these inspiring characters at this point of my life, re-affirming my decision on what i want to do. be it my mentor, fellow colleagues, seniors, tutors, peers, i keep seeing new things and i keep learning.
i think we all recognize that what's impt is that we never never forget how it felt like to be on the ground, and to never forget this passion we have at the beginning and not be jaded in time to come. so i'm documenting all these thoughts down so that i have smth to look at when i get discouraged or disheartened in future, because i know there'll be plenty of times like these. it's rare that i feel so positive.

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 1:32 am

really totally impressed by kaiyuan. in awe. that kind of jaw-drop-mouth-open-wide impressed. it's like seeing theory come to life. of course i know the extent to which this can be done depends on the target group, but still. it's so fun! although at first sight i can already imagine the kind of time and effort that went into it to come up with smth like that.
我真的佩服得五体投地,无话可说。敬礼!

It's something Mystical

Friday, September 04, 2009
withers away @ 1:28 pm

so how do you know what works and what doesn't? how do you know when to do what? my tutor ytd had this answer which i liked:
AHW.
no idea what is that? neither did we. but somehow someone managed to guess it.
he said it stands for "anyhow whack".
well, i guess very often u don't always know what to do, and since u have to do smth, just do anything! at least if u've tried and failed, u eliminate smth and u try again. might take some time, but i guess it's worth it in the end.

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, September 02, 2009
withers away @ 10:38 pm

today i finally knew for the first time in my life, what is meant by sch-going peak hour. there's a reason why the bus is right at the end of the interchange, because when i was there at 8am today, the queue had already snaked all the way back to the mrt station. at least i was smart enough to guess that that's the queue i'm supposed to be in, and backtracked a little to join the queue. or else.
getting more settled down in sch now. feels a little more like sch at least. don't feel so lost in the sch compound anymore (though still a little lost), recognize more faces, rmbr more names, talk more, and finally ate at the canteen after wks in sch. the best thing i've realized is that i'm actually enjoying my classes. totally blessed to be doing smth i like doing. minus all the deadlines. ok i have to say certain assignments are pretty interesting, and i can tell that they actually come in useful in future, be it content or skills. nothing that is REALLY dreadful.
and i so happily met mrs lau in sch today!! she was there for a course. when i heard my name and turned around, i couldn't recognize who it was who called me at first. it's been SO long since i last saw her! i mean yes, she found me on fb so we talked briefly there, she called me up so we were on the phone last year, i sent her a card just last week, but we've not seen each other ftf for years! really cool to see her again. well well let's just say i've been thinking if i'll chance upon someone else in sch again.
well, i guess i'm off to live my life (i mean complete my deadlines, just putting it in a nicer way). seldom in my life do i find myself having smth other than results (be it academics or ccas) as an end. frankly, i forgot that i still do have a gpa to score for. so this is smth new:)

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, September 01, 2009
withers away @ 6:04 pm

went back to ny ytd early early in the morning coz had lessons after that. was glad to see some kind of a ny tradition and culture staying strong. the concert was really entertaining. saw quite a few teachers and had nice chit-chats with them. i love nice little informal chit-chats with teachers. but probably won't be able to go back in future on the same day. we should go for the homecoming when they have one. just for the fun of it.
saw this quote frm a blog. nice. "if you can read this, thank a teacher."

It's something Mystical